Wonderfully Made

Psalm 139:13-16
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

So often, we find ourselves at a crossroad. We try so hard to try to figure out who we are. We call it "finding ourself" but are we really looking in the right places? Why do we try so hard to fit into "society's norms"? Society tells us that for us to be happy we need to have money, good looks, brand name clothes, Mr. / Mrs. "Perfect" and so on. It's so fixated on self-image and the materialistic value of everything. This makes me so mad! Who is society to tell us who we need to be or are. Was it society that created us......? No, God created us. It was in his image that we were made. He created each of us to be our own unique and wonderful person. So often we lose sight of that. We stop seeing ourself for how God made us and how the world sees us. It breaks my heart, because that is where destruction plants a seed. That is where we start to think that we are not good enough or pretty enough. 


As a woman, I know that feeling all too well. Before I started to see myself as God sees me, I tried to find my worth and definition in what everyone else thought. I cared so much about how others saw me that I lost sight of who I was. I tried to let men define me to fill the void. I thought that if a man wanted me than I was finally good enough or worth something. The problem was, I wasn't being true to myself. I couldn't see that NO man ever deserved to place a worth on my life. 


Needless to say, when things didn't work out between that man, and me I was crushed. I became so emotional and down on myself. I would spiral into a darkness that kept telling me it was because I wasn't good enough, pretty enough or had enough going for me. It kept eating away at me and creating a void in my life. I couldn't see my own value or what I truly had to offer someone. I had let a man define me and break me to a point where I didn't even recognize the girl in the mirror anymore. When I looked in the mirror I was disgusted by what I saw. I couldn't even look at myself for more than one second without having to turn away, because what I saw disgusted me.


Finally, I stopped letting the world and men define me and put that back in God's hands. I can't tell you the relief and joy that brought me. I won't lie and say it was easy... it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. To be able to stop all the negative and self-conscious thoughts and turn them into positive and re-affirming thoughts was hard. It took months for me to be able to really see my worth. When I did though, it was as if I was free for the first time. For the first time, I saw myself the way God sees me. I saw the wonderful and beautiful woman he made me. I was able to look in the mirror and what I saw shocked even me. Sure, I saw myself, but not the me that I always knew. I saw myself as my heavenly father sees me. There was a light and glow inside of me that had never been there before and that shown brighter than anything else. It was the love that God has for me that was finally showing through me. Beauty is skin deep, but when we have the love of Christ in us, that shines brighter than anything else. 


I challenge you to stop putting your worth and value in the hands of others and leave it in God's hands. For he is the only one that matters when it comes to discovering yourself and your own beauty. I guarantee that when you do that, he will open your eyes to who he has created you to be. Trust in him. Trust that he knows you better than yourself. For it says in Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." Trust that he has a plan for you and a path laid out for you. All you have to do is let him guide you. So pick up your feet and start walking the path he has set for you (No, he won't do everything for you.... you have to meet him half way). When you do, I guarantee he will guide you and continuously show you who you are and where you are heading. He will start to bring people into your life that will help you with your walk. They will be there to strengthen you, support you and cheer you on as you come into your own. For you are Wonderfully Made in his image.

Psalm 23:1-6 
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."

Broken so we can be Rebuilt

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain."

Life isn't always easy and there will always be trials and tribulations. We are meant to stumble and fall, because it's what we do after that defines us and strengthens us. It's how we come out of the storm that will help us to grow and be able to face new challenges with our head held up high. Though, it can get really hard at times; especially when you are at your lowest. 

One of my lowest points actually came about 2 years ago. My father had been battling cancer for 15 years and his body had enough. He knew that it was his time to go and be with God. But, being the man he was, he made sure that my mom would be taken care of. He managed, through penny pinching, to pay off the house, her car and still set her up so she could retire within a few years. I always gave him a hard time for being so tight with money, but look what he was able to accomplish because of it. He was an inspiration in many ways. He really set the example of how a man, husband and father should be. I will always be grateful for that. Anyways, I will never forget the days leading up to his death. 

I remember it was a Thursday morning and I had gotten a text form a very close family friend. She basically just said, "I am praying for you and love you so much." I simply thought, "Oh, that's so sweet of you. That just brightened my day." But, then not too long after that I got a text from my father saying, "Heather - my sunshine - call when you can. ILU."  So, I called him once my class was over and I was heading to work as a tutor at my college. Well, I was right outside the school in an alley when he told me what was going on. I literally collapsed to the ground. He was telling me that he was going off dialysis; which would give him about two weeks to live. His body was giving out on him and he told me he didn't have the strength to fight it anymore. He felt very calm in his decision and was ready to go meet God. I kept asking him if it was for real this time and he told me it was. I couldn't fathom what was happening. After fighting cancer for 15 years it was all coming to an end and I would lose my father. Well, not lose him, but let him go to be with his Heavenly father. He was headed for a place with no pain or suffering, how could I be selfish and tell him not to go to Heaven. He fought long enough for us; it was time for him to find his peace. But, it was killing me. This was the fate that I had dreaded my whole life and now I was facing it. I got all my affairs in order and left school a week before finals and headed home the next day to be with my father. I will be forever grateful for my instructors who supported me and were there for me during this time. They truly went above and beyond for me. One in particular even helped me to think about things that I wanted to do, say or save from my father while I had this time with him. 

I wasn't sure what to expect when I got home, but it definitely wasn't what I came home to. Everyone was cracking jokes and laughing. The mood was so uplifting and calm. I should have known that would be the case, for my father always rose to the occasion and lightened the mood. It was who he was. He really put everyone, including myself, at ease with this decision. Our family spent the next few days that we had with him laughing, telling stories, crying and enjoying the time we had. Now, being a photographer, I naturally was taking pictures left and right. I wanted to document it all. Even more than that, I was recording audio at the beginning of each day all day long. I have hours of audio of all of his final conversations with people. On top of that, if that wasn't enough I was even able to video record him reading some of our favorite childhood stories and the Christmas story. I wanted those videos not just for me, but also so that some day my children and my brothers could see their grandfather. I wanted them to know him, if even through just those few precious videos. I feel truly blessed to have all of that. Not many people get that chance. God truly blessed our family in this time. I feel like it was Gods last great gift to our family. His way of blessing us for enduring all the really hard times the past 15 years and all the back and forth never knowing and going through hell on earth. 

The crazy awesome thing was, that even though my dad was dying, he kept preaching. Yes, he was a pastor, but he never took God out of the picture. He got up on his chair and pontificated to everyone who came in. I couldn't believe the insane faith that he had. He was celebrating in the new life he was about to have when he joined Christ in Heaven. It was such an inspiration. His faith was so strong and he was so good. I was jealous that he could be that confident and still on fire for God right through the end. But, I was fighting my own battle with God at that moment. He left this world and joined God on March 13th, 2012. My heart was torn apart. 

I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't completely broken. I fell so hard and for so long. I turned my back on God more than ever. I was hurt and mad that my father was no longer with me. I know that I was being selfish, but my grief had taken over me. But, I know that god never gave up on me. I know that he was always watching over me and protecting me. It says in Psalm 91:11 "For he will command his angels to watch over you and guard you in all your ways."

God really took a hold of me about a year ago. I felt him so clearly speak to me and say, "Come back to me" and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I knew that something was missing and it was my faith in him. So I started turning back to him and got connected at a wonderful church. It was the best decision I made in my entire life. I was scared to go back after being away from a church for so long, but it had to be done. I got out of my comfort zone and went to church by myself and it was an instant connection and home for me. The people were so warm and welcoming and I knew that this is where I belonged. Over the next few months, God really started speaking to me and saying, "Now is your time to break so I can rebuild you" and I was finally ready to listen. He surrounded me with rock strong people and I started working on me. It was crazy how much God has shown me even in the last couple of months. But, he was faithful and right there with me through it all. For the first time in my whole life I completely broke so that I could rebuild myself. It was hard, and frustrating and I cried a lot, but then I started seeing the light because my eyes were fixed on him. If God leads you to it, he'll lead you through it. I can truly say that I have never been better or happier. God has brought me out of the darkest part of my life and given me life again. Like I tell everyone. I am Zen-chill. Life is great and I have never been happier. There is a joy in me like nothing before. I am finally the me that was always meant to be, the girl that so many were praying for over the years to emerge. It took me a while but I am here, because God is good! Hebrews 13:5 says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." I will forever have my eyes fixed on God and his plans for me. Without him, I fall short and am nothing. It is in him that I find joy and strength to face anything that comes my way. I know what I have been through and no matter how much life tried to break me and bring me down, I am still standing tall. Yes, I fell, but I got back up again and found a renewed strength. But, it took me turning my gaze upon Christ and trusting him to fight for me and carry my burdens. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." or Exodus 14:14 "The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." 

Life isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to challenge us, force us to struggle, be uncomfortable. If it's not, then you aren't really living. It's through the trials and hardships that we build our character and become who we are meant to be. One thing we have to remember is that God is always in control. His plan is divine and perfect. We may never understand it, and we aren't meant to, but he knows. Our job is to trust in him and keep our eyes fixed on him and let him guide us. So when things get hard, hit your knees and pray. Talk to him like you would a friend and ask for help. Ask him to fight your battle for you and take it from your control and place it back in his. He will see you through I promise. He loves us so much and just wants us to trust in him. 

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Inspirational Quote of the Day

I am going to try to upload one of these a week. My goal is to combine both my photographs and quotes that I find inspirational. I think that encouragements are always needed and have the potential to brighten someone's day. Hopefully you will enjoy them as much as I do. This one in particular was shot while I was back in Minnesota on a vacation. My mother and I were driving and we just happened to look over and saw a minor break in the daunting clouds. It was picture perfect, so naturally I pulled over and captured it with my camera. She just smiled and sat there quietly while I did my thing. It wasn't much longer after that that I stumbled upon this quote. There was something about it that absolutely spoke to me. I guess it was the overwhelming fact that God is present in everything we do. He is there in the good times, the bad and everything in between because of how much he loves us. It doesn't matter what we have done, who we are or where we are, he is always there right next to us. Could you ask for anything more wonderful?!

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

Romans 8:38-39

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Isaiah 41:10

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Digital Restoration Love

Wow, it has been a long time since I have posted anything. So, I think now is the perfect time to do so since I finally have a night free. I have been doing a lot of digital restoration recently and love it! I can't tell you how much I geek out when I get the chance to restore an old photograph. There is something about being able to bring back that history and memories for someone that makes me so happy. If you weren't aware family is HUGE to me! So doing things like this is right up my alley! Well, photo editing in general is, but I love restoration projects. So here are a few of the ones I have done recently I hope you enjoy!

By The Pier

This winter has brought many adventures with it. We have seen days where we only have a few inches of snow and other days where it totals 31 inches. So, needless to say it's been a fun winter. I have managed to get out as much as possible to photograph this winter wonderland here in Maine. It was on one of my adventures that I stumbled across the most beautiful sight. I couldn't help it, but I had to photograph it. You could say it was a minor obsession of mine and has been since. There is something about this landscape that caught my attention and won over my heart. It's said that you can go to a location every day and never see the same sight again. Well, I'm glad I had my camera with me and caught it at the right time. The result was photographs that make smile and think "man I love what I do!" Here are some of the ones that I got with my digital camera. The rest will come later once I scan them in. { I took a bunch with my Holga}.

So, over the past few days, I have been working on editing more of my photos from my China trip. It's been snowing here, so this has given me the perfect time to work on them. I have had the most fun editing them and remembering the stories behind them, the people I met and the fun I had over there. I hope you can enjoy them as much as I do.

Winter

I'm super excited, because Maine got hit with a crazy, awesome blizzard. I was lucky enough to get out and capture it's beauty. Some places got more snow than others. So in addition to those photos, here are some other winter photos. There will be more to come!